Posts Tagged “megalodon”


As flood waters rushed into the Porterdale and Covington area Monday night, they brought the rare bearshoctopus — a species scientists once believed to be extinct — with them. Mass hysteria immediately erupted in the area as residents fled to the partially flooded Porterdale Mill Lofts. The story wasn’t broken until today (Much of the Covington area lacks infrastructure, including phone lines.) when news photographer Dan Heisel took this epic photo of the beast.

Authorities advise Porterdale and Covington residents to seek refuge at the the nearby Georgia International Horse Park in Conyers where hundreds of refugees have already set up camp. When school lets out at 3 p.m. today, Gwinnett County’s child army will be dispatched to deal with the bearshoctopus. The army has already slain a local shark and the Buckhead megalodon.

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divining rod

Much of the Atlanta area is under a boil water advisory after a loss of power at the Northside Pump Station. Seeing as the state of Georgia has been experiencing a drought, we’d like to suggest the following water sources:

- parts of I-75

- your backyard

- Buckhead (But practice caution when approaching large bodies of water as a megalodon was spotted in the area yesterday.)

If you still have difficulty finding water, please let know. We have divining rods available at the discounted price of $18.95. (Delivery may take up to two weeks. However, if the storms predicted for this weekend prove true, delivery will be faster. Sorry, guys — we just have the one canoe.)

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