Posts Tagged “atlanta”


It was too pricey anyway.

(Mad thanks to honorary reporter Teresa Rolfe Kravtin for the story idea.)

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divining rod

Much of the Atlanta area is under a boil water advisory after a loss of power at the Northside Pump Station. Seeing as the state of Georgia has been experiencing a drought, we’d like to suggest the following water sources:

- parts of I-75

- your backyard

- Buckhead (But practice caution when approaching large bodies of water as a megalodon was spotted in the area yesterday.)

If you still have difficulty finding water, please let know. We have divining rods available at the discounted price of $18.95. (Delivery may take up to two weeks. However, if the storms predicted for this weekend prove true, delivery will be faster. Sorry, guys — we just have the one canoe.)

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But for how long? It has been advised that all shrimping boats be secured in preparation for expected storms.

When asked for comments, Lt. Dan of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. states, “You’ll never sink this boat!”.

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Better version of the shot we posted last night. Thanks to Caroline Smith for the photo.

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Right-wing conservatives have accused Atlanta’s homosexual population of causing the city’s flooding. Ryan Moss, a local gay, says, “I shouldn’t have gone to church on Sunday! It always storms when I go to church!” We’re sure Senator Saxby Chambliss — and the late Jerry Falwell — would agree.

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More than 300 refugees are expected at Red Cross shelters across the metro Atlanta area as more and more homes become inundated with flood waters.

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Ken Cook has commented that this is indeed, “the 100 year flood.”

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Governor Sonny Perdue advises residents to purchase Shamwow to fight flood waters.

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